i may not be your cup of tea but i’m your 10th shot of tequila
my heart says yes but my bank balance says no
the more sexual and inappropriate you are with me the better we’ll get along
kids that mix their play-doh colors are the reason global warming exists
'where is the pen i was using like 3 seconds ago' an autobiography i'll never write because i keep losing the pen i was using like 3 seconds ago.
I wanna do something productive but I don’t wanna leave my bed a classic novel written by me
Let’s play a game called “I’m totally joking, but would do that in a heartbeat if you were into it”
real talk how often are you meant to change your bra